chelseadaily:]

really?

wtf is up with men assuming things, like seriously. if I said he wasn’t worth it doesn’t mean that I had sex with him..seriously chelsea..fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me..
I guess I’m the stupid one for thinking that this one actually liked me, I mean, I don’t know I didn’t think that I was i’n competition with another girl, but wow forget that.

done and over.

its done and over.

for fucking sure.

even after i poured my fucking heart out, its still not good enough. he cant get over it, quite possible he never will get over it. doesnt he understand that i’ve had to deal with more of a physical pain? no cause he’ll never ever have to fucking go through what i went through. only us girls know what i mean. i swear, i will NEVER EVER be talked to like im the devil. DUDE..its not like a FUCKING CHEATED on you. I left you..after the fact that you told me you felt “obligated to take care of me” even when i paid all my own shit…and some of yours. i know i deserve better, i just hope i can find the “better” and honestly, i dont want to wait forever, i want shit now. i want something to numb that pain. emotionally and physically. make it go away..i deleted his number..and i will never ever talk to him again. this is what it had to become, there is no friends, nothing. it just cant happen that way.

im completely unhappy. i need something to turn my life around. i fucking hate this, with a fucking passion..GOD DAMN.

ohh…

and for the fucking record dad…

IM NOT ON DRUGS, NEVER HAVE BEEN, NEVER WILL BE.

i love my blog, i can express my true feelings here.

soo..a couple days ago..i got accused of being on drugs by my father. pretty awesome. NOT. oh and the fact that he keeps threatening me that he wishes i would just move out. well father, you wish has been granted. im moving out.

difficult is the definition of my life right now. number one:im barely talking to any of my family members. number two:i’ve realized im still in love with my ex, but afraid that the rejection of him not loving me as much is coming. number three:finances are tough.

but on the flip side..i’ve met wonderful people @ work. these people are already like family to me…they just get me, and i get them. my two closest friends from work brenna and steven..we’re all having tough times, but we can all see the light, we got an offer to rent this house from one of our regulars, he’s will to charge us 750$ a month..and split into 3..thats only 250$ a month..for a fucking house! its a pretty amazing deal, that i know none of us wanna pass up. i know we’re all ready to move out. its time..its time to move on..all of us..and i can’t think of better people to do it with!

although life seems difficult, i know in the end everything will be okay, if its not okay..then its not the end..

no guy compares to you.

im lost. im fucking lost. i hate these rollercoaster emotions. you’re the only one that i want to be with, yet you’re making it soo hard. i understand i fucked up, i made the mistake. but i feel like you’re punishing me, for all the time i wasnt hurting when you were..and now the roles have switched..while you’re on the brink of being happy without me, im sitting here miserable. miserable with the descisions and actions thats i’ve made..i hate these feelings.and sometimes i wish i would have never opened the wound..because no it hurts more than ever. dont you see im putting in all the effort, which is i know what you think i need to do, but please, please up on me. it wasnt like a cheated on you..yes, i understand i left you, and you’re afraid that i’ll do it again, and thats why you’re being so tough. texting with you sucks. i feel like an idiot because im the only one asking questions or sounding like im really interested in talking to you. why cant you show some type of enthusiasm when i text you. why dont you ever ask me any questions? arent you curious what i’ve been thinking? or are you just going to continue to be selfish? ohh i that fucking bugs the shit out of me. you can never express your feelings through a text, for instance you wont tell me you still love me through a text, but once were on the phone its i still love you chelsea and i still care about you..im mean honestly its not a big deal that you tell me on the phone rather through a text, but when i text you pretty emotional things im looking for something in return..and you tell me that you want to talk. that you dont have a problem with it, and im not bothering you or annoying you, yet today after trying to talk to you everyday you tell me that you’re not “ready” to talk on an everyday basis…i’ve told you time and time again the ball is in your court…and you told me you understand..and you also told me this isnt an overnight type of descision, which in fact i respect. because i know everyone needs time, but i know that i love you, but i dont know how long i can wait, playing with my emotions isnt fair, and yes you are tourchering me. this hasnt been fun. you’ve already made me feel like shit, so why do you have to drag this out.

i hate the fact that no guy compares to you. not to sound like a slut, because im not. but i have been talking to other guys..to TRY and get my mind off of you, and you know what its not working, im going to ALWAYS compare you to the new guy. i mean im probably not giving myself alot of time considering we’ve been broken up for about 2 months, but everyday there are things that remind me of you. its funny there are things these new guys try and do to make me laugh or make me happy, and it just doesnt work. no one made me happy and made me laugh the way you have. you made me feel soo comfortable. i was myself 24/7 i didnt have to have my guard up, until now again i guess.

i dont know what the future holds for us anymore, and you’ve made it very apparent that you dont know either..i told you i no longer was going to initiate our awkward conversations, and i was going to leave you alone, im just scared, scared the fact that you may never message me or call me again, its hard, real fucking hard. but i guess if you really love me you’ll do the right thing..but i really dont know how much more of this i can handle and how long i’ll be able to be play these games..this is already exhausting me…soo…yes i hope and pray for the best, but at this point as much as i want to keep my hopes up, im not going to, im not going to expect anything from you at all ANYMORE. UNTIL you show me some sort of interest, until then, i guess we’ll just remain strangers…..